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FIVE BORO BIKE CLUB

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Fractured Carols from the 12/13/23 5BBC Holiday Party

Eric Brooks | Published on 12/14/2023

Hark! I’m On A Bike Club Ride!

(to the tune of “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing!”)

 

Hark! I’m on a Bike Club ride!

I hope I picked one that fits my stride

Not too slow and not too fast

Not too short and not too vast

I started with a Happy Face

Then advanced to a moderate pace

Should I try something more advanced?

(For a full Quick Spin, I’m a bit askance)

Maybe a ride that’s a tiny bit faster

One step at a time, then all I will master!

I Have A Little Multi-tool (a/k/a The Sweep’s Theme)

(to the tune of “I Have a Little Dreidel)


I have a little multi-tool

It’s made from hardened steel

I take it on all bike rides

To stop those nasty squeals

I have a little multi-tool

It’s lightweight and compact

It’s tightened many hex nuts

To mechanicals I react

[Chorus:]

Oh, multi-tool, multi-tool, multi-tool

You’re made from hardened steel

I take you on all bike rides

To tighten riders’ wheels

I have a little multi-tool,

It’s handy as can be

Flathead screws or Phillips

We can fix them one, two, three!

I have a little multi-tool,

It’s not the fanciest in the joint

Gets riders on the road again

And catch up to the Point

[Chorus:]

Oh, multi-tool, multi-tool, multi-tool

You’re made from hardened steel

I take you on all bike rides

To tighten riders’ wheels

Our Favorite Food Rides

(to the tune of “These Are A Few of My Favorite Things”)


Let’s go to Harlem for Charles’ pan-fried chicken

And Astoria, Queens, for some Little Egyptian

Jackson Heights-Woodside for Esan-type Thai

These are a few of our favorite food rides

Corona’s our stop for some great empanadas

As we dodge SUVs and Hyundai Sonatas

We don’t leave the city but eat all over the world

These are a few of our favorite food whirls

[Chorus]

When we’re hankerin’

For some Haitian,

Or a panini or two

We jump on a 5BBC food ride and go

Or try John Brown’s bar-b-que

In eastern Long Island, we’re led by Bill Mastro

To pubs that have some of the most excellent gastro

Spumoni and pizza, or Bosnia’s pride

These are a few of our favorite food rides

At the 5BBC party, we can’t get much closah

To the excellent pizza from Da Nonna Rosa

“Try Trinidad Doubles!”, I heard some members cry

These are a few of our favorite food rides.

[2nd Chorus]

No food fakery

At Country Bakery

Just the genuine thing

We jump on our bikes and go ride

Is there any food anywhere that we… have…. not tried?

The Twelve Days of the Bike Check

(To the tune of “The Twelve Days of Christmas)


On the first day of the bike check, the point did say to me,
“We’ll be leaving very shortly.”    

On the second day of the bike check, the sweep did say to me,
“Check your tire pressure
‘cause we’ll be leaving very shortly.”

On the third day of the bike check, the leaders said to me,
“Close your quick release,
Check your tire pressure,
We’ll be leaving very shortly.”    

On the fourth day of the bike check, the leaders said to me,
“Tires should spin freely,
Close your quick release,
Check your tire pressure,
We’ll be leaving very shortly.”

On the fifth day of the bike check, the leaders said to me,
“The brake levers stop the tires,
Tires should spin freely,
Close your quick release,
Check your tire pressure,
We’ll be leaving very shortly.”    

On the sixth day of the bike check, the leaders said to me,
“Handlebars shouldn’t wiggle,
Brake levers stop the tires,
Tires should spin freely,
Close your quick release,
Check your tire pressure,
We’ll be leaving very shortly.”

On the seventh day of the bike check, the leaders said to me,
“Pedals should spin freely,
Handlebars shouldn’t wiggle,
Brake levers stop the tires,
Tires should spin freely,
Close your quick release,
Check your tire pressure,
We’ll be leaving very shortly.”    

On the eighth day of the bike check, the leaders said to me,
“Crankshaft shouldn’t be loose,
Pedals should spin freely,
Handlebars shouldn’t wiggle,
Brake levers stop the tires,
Tires should spin freely,
Close your quick release,
Check your tire pressure,
We’ll be leaving very shortly.”

On the ninth day of the bike check, the leaders said to me,
“Drop your bike 6 inches,
Crankshaft shouldn’t be loose,
Pedals should spin freely,
Handlebars shouldn’t wiggle,
Brake levers stop the tires,
Tires should spin freely,
Close your quick release,
Check your tire pressure,
We’ll be leaving very shortly.”    

On the tenth day of the bike check, the leaders said to me,
“Helmet strap secure,
Drop bike 6 inches,
Crankshaft shouldn’t be loose,
Pedals should spin freely,
Handlebars shouldn’t wiggle,
Brake levers stop the tires,
Tires should spin freely,
Close your quick release,
Check your tire pressure,
We’ll be leaving very shortly.”

On the eleventh day of the bike check, another rider said to me,
“This ride may have to go without me,
Helmet strap’s secure,
Dropped my bike 6 inches,
Crankshaft isn’t loose,
Pedals do spin freely,
Handlebars don’t wiggle,
Brake levers stop the tires,
Tires do spin freely,
Closed my quick release,
Checked my tire pressure,
But the ride seems delayed interminably.”

On the twelfth day of the bike check, the leaders said to me,
“The point is now leaving!
Helmet straps are secure,
Bikes dropped from 6 inches,
Crankshafts aren’t loose,
Pedals are spinning freely,
Handlebars don’t wiggle,
Brake levers are stopping tires,
Tires are spinning freely,
Quick releases are closed,
Tire pressures checked,
We are leaving, finally!”